Guest Writer: Social Justice Mommy (SJM) is a regular blogger.  When she is not writing for this blog, Heather Setka, is an editor and freelance writer and single mom raising a five year old daughter.

Where There's Smoke, There's Ire

Sometimes in my quest to raise the perfect socially conscious child, I fail.

I go a bit too far. (Betcha' didn't see that one coming.)

Last weekend, my daughter and I went for an excursion with my mom and a friend of mine. The problems became imminent before we even left our house, when my friend went for a smoke.

"I hate smoking. It's disgusting," my daughter said. Out loud. And really loud, btw.

"Enough," I said. And then pulled her away from my friend.

"Mommy, I'm not trying to be rude. I just really hate the smell. It's gross."

"Sweetheart," I said through gritted teeth. "It's fine for you to express your opinion. But that's all you have to say about it. If you talk about it every time she smokes, you will hurt her feelings."

Of course, I don't want my child to smoke. Of course, it's unhealthy and it decreases other people's air quality. But it's certainly not an indication of someone's moral worth.

My daughter's initial reaction set the tone for the weekend. My friend snuck off sheepishly every time she had a cigarette. Imagine hiding from a six-year-old's ire. I felt so embarrassed.

But alongside this awkward element to the weekend, a friendship grew between my daughter and my friend. It grew across their age gap (about 35 years) and their interests (stuffed animals and photography, respectively). Somehow, the friendship even grew across my daughter's disdain for my friend's habit.

"You know, mommy," my girl said on Sunday. "I don't mind her smoking that much."

It made my heart leap with joy.

Conviction is important. But so is kindness.